Life by Betsy

 So I wanna know what the seasons know There’s a time to reap, and a time to sow A time to hold on, and a time to let go  Teach me to trust when I don’t see.|| Holly Arrowsmith  I love August. I love the months between seasons. They remind me that change is inevitable, purposeful, beautiful, necessary, and consistent. Everyday is new. Even between seasons, there is beauty. We all live in “the tension of the in-between” - between who we are and who we will be, between creation and the new earth, between the first coming of Christ and the second, between birth and death, between home and sugarloaf mountain, between sunset and sunrise, between summer and fall. We can still find rest in the tension, like a hammock swaying from two tight lines between the trees.  There is beauty here, on the road between today and eternity. There is grace here, in the fear yet thrill of the unknown. There is so much joy here, in the pursuit of God in the details. So, linger a little while...

In this quarantine season, God has been so kind to give me moments of pause. I used to love letting my mind wander, but it seems the ability to philosophize is the luxury of the untraumatized. With the combination of time, rest, prayer, and therapy, my mind is beginning to wander to wonderful places again. I also am able to be more passively self-reflective into the way that I interact with the world and it interacts with me. A key step in this reflective journey has been the enneagram. I have tested as a two in the past (the "helper" personality), but this spring on the official test I was labeled a seven (the "enthusiast") with a wing, or sub personality, of an eight (the "challenger"). If somehow you have managed to avoid the enneagram in your social medial scrolling, I encourage you to do some research into the process and product. I am loving learning my natural strength and weaknesses. Self-awareness is the first step in growth.  One of the things I ...

On February 14, 2018, a student opened fire in the hallways of Marjorie Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida killing 14 students and 3 faculty. As a student teacher at the time, I was very aware that this school shooting was one in a line of others that seemed to be happening daily in that season across our country. I took some time to reflect on my role in that kind of scenario- not fully student, not fully teacher, yet fully adult. I started reflecting, not knowing a month and six days following Parkland what would come. That post was written and published on March 19,2018, the day before I lived through a school shooting.  On March 20, 2018, a student killed his ex girlfriend with a handgun in the halls of Great Mills High School early in the morning before the bell had rung, the bullet passed through her brain and into the leg of another student (who recovered), the shooter walked down the hall, and then took his own life as a resource officer fired simultaneousl...

This past Sunday, I heard a sermon that mentioned we need not go in search of new, grand revelations about God. We need to open our Bible and revel in what has already been given to us. I need to put that into practice. So, this early evening, as I lazily and finally opened my Bible app to get some truth in me, like a spiritual vitamin to boost my health, I wondered how God could use 1 Samuel to speak to me. I'm listening and reading through the Bible cover to cover, and it can often feel like reading a work of history in these early books and not the divine truth of God Almighty. Here, sceptical as I came, God spoke. Normally, I encourage more than I quote in this blog, but then again, it has been a long time. Things have changed. I have changed. So, the following section of scripture will speak for itself, and I will tack on my reflection as if it were a patchy, red "Betsy Approved" stamp on the back of a stunning Monet. The word speaks. I am just so freshly aware of...

*Update: This was post was published the day before I lived through a school shooting as a student teacher. On March 20, 2018, a student killed his ex girlfriend with a handgun in the halls of the school, and then took his own life as a resource officer fired. The shooter walked by my open classroom door, gun in hand. I did not see him. My co-teacher did. We were able to escape through connecting doors to an outside exit, into the parking lot, with a handful of students. There is more I could say. I found it sickening to think I had thought through this all before living it first-hand, but now I find it awe inspiring that God allowed me preparation in this way. With time, trauma therapy, and healing, I am able to reflect again. I can feel my mental capacity increasing again, and it is a breathtaking thing to experience. Expect more encouragement and reflections from me on this blog in the coming days and years, especially in this season of global pandemic. What extraordinary times I am...

A snowday Luke 4 reflection-- When Jesus goes into the wilderness, after John baptizes him, he is full of the Holy Spirit. As he is in the wilderness, the devil tempts him by targeting 3 specific things that we all as humans are drawn to: provision, power, and pride. Jesus, the same man who as a boy ran to the temple of his Father to learn the scriptures, now full of the Spirit too, combats each temptation with scripture. What struck me most were those 3 temptations: provision, power, and pride. 1. We as people have a desire to have provisions, for survival and beyond that for comfort. Jesus counters by pointing himself (and throigh reading, us) back to God as the source for humanity's deepest need. 2. We want control- of our lives, of our surpundings, of others even. We want money, power, security, respect, even dominion in our world. Jesus counters by calling himself first and foremost a servant of God, not a king of peoples. Furthermore, he (by extension, we) is to adore in...

Tomorrow is December 1 and I realize I have come to a place in life where I know I have a relationship with God, but seem to have forgotten how I have that relationship to begin with. I, in my history brain, have subconsciously locked the person of Jesus to the past. Sure, he rose from the dead and ascended to heaven, but silly Betsy, he is still alive! Who is he, really, not just who was he? If he is the only way to the Father, he is worth knowing deeply as an individual member of the trinity. The father I know. The spirit calls to me in nature and worship and ties me through prayer to the father. But what about Jesus? Anyways, this may seem like a "duh" situation, but for me it is hitting hard, especially at the beginning of the advent season. My point is, this season, I want to fall deeply in love with Jesus for all he was, is, and will be forever. He is more than a bridge to the father, and more than a role model. He is my savior, my brother, and my dear friend. ...

I've been thinking about "church" a lot lately, how the very place designed to bring people to God has hurt some people so badly that they all together run from religion, how friends and I can grow up in the same faith and even the same building and have completely different experiences, how what some people see as a cult others see as devotion, how different families of my home church had vastly different Christian cultures than my family or school did, how some people respond well to structural faith and others need more freedom in relationship, how I need a balance of both, how we ornatly decorate sanctuaries yet fill those sanctuaries with broken people and then expect people to feel comfortable coming on Sundays in their brokenness and not feel pressured to look more put together, how my friends have fallen through the cracks, how I have fallen through the cracks in a lot of ways too yet eneded up just fine and stronger even in my walk of faith, how silly s...

Mini-rant from a young adult Christian female feminist and future teacher -- I wish we lived in a culture that wasn't dominated by male-driven female sexual exploitation and objectification. Imagine a world where women could gain societal respect and socioeconomic mobility without needing to use their bodies or sexuality... Too often female empowerment equates to women sexualizing themselves to gain power in the sex based cultural system we have now. I want to see women who are confident in their physicality, yes, but women who are so much more. By reducing yourself to simply your sexuality, you empower the system of male-dominated female objectification, feeding off of an evil you are only helping to grow. You want to talk about taking back female power from a male driven society? Start by refusing to play the game. True power is changing the game. Your worth comes from God above, and is in the whole of who you are-- not how many people you turn on in order to be seen or hear...

I have been reflecting this weekend on why we create space for Good Friday and Easter Sunday in our calendars and our minds but skip over Saturday. What I have come to realize is that we as people are so locked into our own experiences and our perceptions of what is happening around us that we remember the visible Gospel work of Christ and not the invisible. Christ lived a visible life.   He spoke in streets, from boats, on mountainsides, and in temples. He did miracles in private and public, depending on the need. He healed a man's servant from afar and healed a few men's friend from paralysis in front of a full room. Christ died a visible death.   He was hung out and hung up to die, strapped and nailed down to a cross raised on a rocky hilltop, bleeding and vulnerable for all to see. While much of His pain is unknowable and unseen, His death and anguish were cruel and yet necessarily public. Christ rose a visible resurrection!   The entry was open, the ston...

You do not heal for him, you heal for Him. You do not wait for him, you are patient for Him. You will not be satisfied in him, you will be full in Him. You are not lost because of him, you are found in Him. You will not be complete in him, you are whole in Him. You will not find freedom in him, you are free forever in Him. You do not live for him. You do not live for you. You live for Him . ---- You have been called to have life, and have it abundantly- not for anyone or anything other than the glory and good work of Him . Your Heavenly Father has big things ahead for you, kiddo. You are doing bigger things in this season than preparing for a new "him", or for a better you. You are preparing and repairing for the life He has ahead of you. It can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking you are getting ready again for what you had before, to simply recover lost ground. Whatever the future holds, whoever the future holds, one thing is certain: it holds the unf...

Wisdom has been a heavy word on my heart--the pursuit of it, the lack of it in myself, and the desperate need for it. In my own foolishness and pride, I tend to think I can understand the will of God for my life, that if I focus in and pray enough, he will reveal his plan for me. I've believed that wisdom means knowing, and somehow I lost sight of the wisdom in understanding how little I know or ever can know. I've lost sight of the magnitude of the mind of God, and how little I can comprehend. The shockingly simple and face-slapping truth is that  GOD is GOD, and I am not. God will reveal what I need to know, when I need to know it. God will reveal when I am in a season of activity or passivity. God will reveal when I need to walk by faith or remain still and let him work for me. Christian, STOP TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT. You don't need to know his plan.  You need to know HIM. And he is a Good Father and simultaneously your Faithful Friend. Lea...

3/18/15--3/18/16 One year of Divine Healing, inside and out. One year of low to no pain. One year of low to no depression. One year of seeing the brokenness in myself reflect the brokenness of this nation, this world. One year of living in the reality of God's binding love. One year of being overwhelmed and under-qualified. One year of feeling unworthy, undeserving, and guilty for the gift I've been given. One year of attempting to process the un-understandable.  One year of failing to live in light of His Love. One year of learning the power of the Spirit. One year of seeing faith, others' more than my own often, move the physical and emotional mountains of my life. One year of Healed.  But I'm learning there is still so much in me to heal. Healing is a process, just like sanctification. Living the Christian life is learning to allow God into all of the broken, hidden places.  He will restore.  All. Piece by piece. He is still here, living and ac...

"God is light." Have you ever thought about how radical that is?  We were in darkness. Pitch black.  The very absence of light and fullness of shadow.   But as soon as the door cracks, as soon as one little beam pierces the deep veil,  darkness is broken.  That beam doesn't only illuminate one spot on the floor.  Light spreads, fills the space, refracts, and slowly yet surely helps you see anything and everything where you are.  The more the door opens, the more the light gets through, the clearer and more colorful life becomes.  And that one day, when the door is fully opened, and we are one with our true Light, everything about this life will be made crystal clear and we will see and behold things no one can comprehend. It all starts with someone being bold and willing to crack the door to a friend's life. Speak truth in love. God is Light, and darkness SHALL NOT overcome Him.

Recently, I read an article on Facebook that was an open letter of sorts from "Mr. Right" for Christian women. In this article, the author writes for the reader to let God make her something whole and complete, as well as her Mr. Right, before entering into a relationship or seeking after one. This sparked a line of thought for me that doesn't necessarily have to do with relationships on earth, but our relationship with God.  For a while, my prayer has been that God would fill me up with more of him, that I would be overflowing with his peace and his love for this world. But I noticed something. I would have periods of my life where I would feel so full of love, and soon find myself empty and broken, wanting more and more from God and wondering why I couldn't hold onto joy through life. Here is what I realized recently, after a summer of whole and pure love from God. Broken vessels don't hold water.  Likewise, broken souls won't hold the Living ...

"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." Proverbs 17:17 Six months ago, God healed me. That's right, you heard me.  My thought for today was to sit down with a cup of tea, put on some instrumental worship music, and finally write out the full story of how God healed me. Every tear, every bump along the way, every thread of Grace that has connected my story so far and woven me into God's crazy unfolding plan for my life.  But, I have decided that it would be wiser to wait, as this story is one better told in person.  So please, ask me!  I wish to tell any and everyone the honest miracle that The Lord of Love has worked in my heart, mind, and knee. I'm going to try to keep this brief, so I'm omitting a lot of details. It may seem like a lot, but trust me--there is so much more to share about who God is and who I am because of that. (Again, just ask!) -- Long story short, two and a half years ago, I had a life-c...

Close your eyes for a moment~ Breathe in, and breathe out. Think of everything wrong you have ever done.  If you're like me, you do this often.  Too often.  Think of it all, starting when you were young. Every white lie. Every swear. Every angry outburst and bitter inward comment. Every lustful thought, word, or action. Every selfish deed and prideful belief. All of it.  Every. Last. Sin. Think of everything you probably will do. Hard to fathom, isn't it? The amount of wrong we are capable of doing?   Breathe in again, and out. Think of Jesus on the cross, the nail in his feet pulling as he breaths in and the nails in his hands ripping as he breathes out.  Think of all of that wrong you've done, all of that wrong you are capable of, on his shoulders and digging into his brow like the thorns that your sins are. For you .  It's all for you.  Watch as he breathes his last, crying "It is Finished." Watch as a spear pierces his side, as Mary weeps a...

I've come to a conclusion as of late: Insecurity is the devil's favorite tool. He uses it as a wedge--to break into your soul. If he can make you doubt who you are, question what you know, and forget your worth , he's gaining serious ground in your mind, heart, and life. Insecurity is a drug that you don't know you're becoming addicted to. It creeps in and seeps into how you see everything around you, especially yourself . It opens you up to fear that you cannot ever shake.  Insecurity is a disease that runs rampant not only in my generation, but seemingly the whole globalized, media-driven world in which we live.  Insecurity worships an idol, a god we all have wrongly come to fear, called " public opinion ." Insecurity lies to you, telling you that you need validation through just one more like on social media, or just one more compliment to make it through the day. It makes you feel hopeless, as you begin to hate things about yourself ...

Let's be clear. This isn't a blog for the sake of blogging, a journal for my personal opinions, or a place for me to vent. This blog has one purpose and one purpose only:   to glorify the Father through the encouragement of his children .  I have been so blessed by the many people who have thanked me for sharing what God lays on my heart via various social media outlets, and after praying about it as well as in the interest of practicality and simplicity, why not have all of it-- every late night pondering, mid-day musing, early morning blessing that God lays on my heart-- in one place? That way everything is both easy to find for others, and for myself, who I often find is the main recipient of God's grace through my posts.  I pray that God speaks through me to any hurting hearts out there, and that despite of my shortcomings,  His will is brought about through my imperfect words. I pray that through this blog, through my simplest thoughts and deepest ones, ...