Update: March 20,2018 - May 2, 2020
On February 14, 2018, a student opened fire in the hallways of Marjorie Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida killing 14 students and 3 faculty. As a student teacher at the time, I was very aware that this school shooting was one in a line of others that seemed to be happening daily in that season across our country. I took some time to reflect on my role in that kind of scenario- not fully student, not fully teacher, yet fully adult. I started reflecting, not knowing a month and six days following Parkland what would come. That post was written and published on March 19,2018, the day before I lived through a school shooting.
On March 20, 2018, a student killed his ex girlfriend with a handgun in the halls of Great Mills High School early in the morning before the bell had rung, the bullet passed through her brain and into the leg of another student (who recovered), the shooter walked down the hall, and then took his own life as a resource officer fired simultaneously, dying ten feet in front of my room. The shooter walked by my open classroom door, gun in hand. I did not see him. My co-teacher and neighboring teachers did. We were able to escape through connecting doors to an outside exit, into the parking lot, with a handful of students. There is more I could say. However, in the moment, all we knew was we were living through every teacher's worst nightmare with no knowledge of how long the situation would last or how many lives would be lost.
I found it sickening to think I had thought through this all before living it first-hand, and thus, put the blog away like a dusty memory box full of a lost loved one's trinkets. I didn't dare peak inside. How could I? It is so much to process that I had been given time to mentally prepare for the trauma I lived through THE DAY BEFORE I lived it. Last summer, I typed a reflection on the appointed portion and posted it without peering at anything written before it. I threw another trinket in the box with my eyes closed and slammed it shut, still scared to face the haunting feeling of the contents.
However, now, two years later, I find it genuinely awe inspiring that God allowed me preparation in this way. With time, trauma therapy, and healing, I am able to reflect again. I didn't know I missed doing that. But now, I can feel my mental capacity increasing again, and it is a breathtaking thing to experience. I can think, ponder, and reflect more. My mind has freedom to wander rather than feeling like an old breaking clock with grinding gears, or a broken record stuck in constant fear. I can think! And I am so thankful for this breath in my brain. Expect more encouragement and reflections from me on this blog in the coming days and years, especially in this season of global pandemic. What extraordinary times I am living in, WE are living in.
Thanks for reading. Glory to God.
b.g.
On March 20, 2018, a student killed his ex girlfriend with a handgun in the halls of Great Mills High School early in the morning before the bell had rung, the bullet passed through her brain and into the leg of another student (who recovered), the shooter walked down the hall, and then took his own life as a resource officer fired simultaneously, dying ten feet in front of my room. The shooter walked by my open classroom door, gun in hand. I did not see him. My co-teacher and neighboring teachers did. We were able to escape through connecting doors to an outside exit, into the parking lot, with a handful of students. There is more I could say. However, in the moment, all we knew was we were living through every teacher's worst nightmare with no knowledge of how long the situation would last or how many lives would be lost.
I found it sickening to think I had thought through this all before living it first-hand, and thus, put the blog away like a dusty memory box full of a lost loved one's trinkets. I didn't dare peak inside. How could I? It is so much to process that I had been given time to mentally prepare for the trauma I lived through THE DAY BEFORE I lived it. Last summer, I typed a reflection on the appointed portion and posted it without peering at anything written before it. I threw another trinket in the box with my eyes closed and slammed it shut, still scared to face the haunting feeling of the contents.
However, now, two years later, I find it genuinely awe inspiring that God allowed me preparation in this way. With time, trauma therapy, and healing, I am able to reflect again. I didn't know I missed doing that. But now, I can feel my mental capacity increasing again, and it is a breathtaking thing to experience. I can think, ponder, and reflect more. My mind has freedom to wander rather than feeling like an old breaking clock with grinding gears, or a broken record stuck in constant fear. I can think! And I am so thankful for this breath in my brain. Expect more encouragement and reflections from me on this blog in the coming days and years, especially in this season of global pandemic. What extraordinary times I am living in, WE are living in.
Thanks for reading. Glory to God.
b.g.
Comments
Post a Comment